Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Nintendo is totally missing out

Sega: Ladies and Gentlemen, can we have your attention please?! Who is the Icon?!
Vanilla Assassin: Me.
Panasonic 3DO: Who is the Gaming Diva?!
Vanilla Assassin: Me.
Atari: Who is the the Gaming Virus who slays all of us crappy consoles?!
Vanilla Assassin: Me.
Xbox: Who drops all us shitty consoles to our certain doom like a mad gamer does a couple of dollars at an arcade?!
Vanilla Assassin: Me.
Playstation: Who exposes us filthy consoles to the world for being the boring, pure waste of your buck pieces of plastic donkey dust that we really are?!
Vanilla Assassin: Me.

My dear viewers, it's been a while since I wrote. I'd like to let you in on a little secret. Xbox and PS3 suck.
But enough of that. I'm not here to bad mouth inferior consoles. But i am here to talk a little bit about something that Nintendo is missing out on. An amusement park. So sit back and relax. Have a world famous pigeon milk blend in a well stained mug while you read....

Mr Miyamoto, listen to me. If Sanrio can make a fun park, Nintendo can make a better park. Think about it, a haunted house complete with Boo. A Mariokart track that we can ride on. Hell, toss a few oil slicks onto the track and even give us drivers Koopa shells to toss at each other. Nintendo has a junkload of characters who they can utilize to walk around shaking kids hands like wanna be presidents. All kinds of rides can be themed around Nintendo characters.
Smack dab in the middle of the park can sit Princess' castle which would make Disney's castle look like yesterday's puke.
The ideas are endless. There's so much that can be done.
Nintendo, if you build it, i'll definately empty my wallet and visit the park's version of the Roost. Hell, i'll even let Brewster mix some pigeon milk in with my coffee.
Ahhh, an earthy flavour yet slightly sweet.

Peace folks and remember..if it ain't Nintendo, it ain't worth your Dime.

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