Saturday, March 7, 2009

Communist Secret Invasion

So we all agree that Communists and Nazis come from the same shit pile. I havn't thought much about Nazi invasions through video games but i do know of some Communist attempts to molest our emotions through the console. When communists realized that they could no longer rape the free world through nuclear, biological and other popular fads they resorted to more inconspicuous weaponry ,"games".
The first wave of attack came in the form of a game called Tetris. Those sneaky commies used geometry to lead the nice people into a zombie-like state hoping that when all of the nice people became electronically stoned, they could march on in and burn and pillage our cities. My hats off to the Reds. This was actually a genius plan. Most good people in the free world had no idea of how close we were to having to use the evil "Ruble" currency as opposed to our much loved "Rupee".
After playing at least a half hour of Tetris, North Americans, Europeans, Australians and even Japanese staggered around streets in a lazy zombie state with shapes such as squares and erect lines and T shapes and L shapes superimposed over their corneas. Dr Wright explained that if it wasn't for games like Sim City, Zelda and Bomberman, who knows, maybe we'd be eating ladles full of reindeer dung in Siberia.
The second wave of attack came in the form of Red soldiers trying to attack our emotions by becoming lovable characters.
In a recent interview with LeaveLuckTo.Us, Biff Slamkovich told the Vanilla Assassin, that he was forced into wrestling his heart out each saturday night in hopes of catering to the soft spot of a good gamer's heart and tricking him into thinking that a Ruskie communist could be just as lovable as an American. When in fact this was a ploy by the murderous communist government, trying to create an illusion that communists are our friends, not monsters. A Commie MMA fighter by the name of Zangief acknowledged the truth behind Slamkovich's comments. He added that as communists, they had to wear red tights so that North American Liberals would grow a liking to that evil colour, which in a communist politician's mind is one step closer to world domination. In an interview with another MMA fighter Chun Li, we were told that she wore a sexy outfit in hopes of Brits and Yanks falling in love with socialists. A drunken Soda Popinski was too punch drunk to answer our repeated phone calls.
The third wave of attack and is still in play today came in the form of powerful communist technology known as Playstation and Xbox. Vladimir Putin, head of Russia's Department of Torture explains that through the hippy commune theory, by offering Good Gamers soviet gaming technology, these good gamers can be weened away from Nintendo and tricked into the communist idea that we can love multiple gaming consoles. That we don't have to solely support a sinless console like Nintendo and eventually by loving all consoles we will drop our defenses, we will accept the commie notion that it takes a village to raise a child. Finally we will accept the evil truth that if you give communist technology a chance, that you will become like the communist. You will think like the communist. You will eat like the communist and you will brainwash like the communist and you will bow down to your communist superiors. This way they don't even have to drop a single bomb onto the good civilians. 
Even today in this "enlightened age", so many gamers have fallen into this trap. 
Be careful folks. The communist is lurking in games you wouldn't even think they would lurk in.

Vanilla Assassin

1 comment:

Von Kaiser said...

hahaha. Good work.